Saturday, March 14, 2015

So here this is...

As is obvious I don't really use this platform anymore as I have others that better suit the content that I have found a passion for. Today however it's more emotional and I figured that coming back here would fit for me.

Anyone who knows me well would likely say, I'm generally very laid back and don't let many things get to me emotionally, today has been an exception.

My Grandfather has been experiencing significant health issues since Thanksgiving (Canadian that is), and he took a turn for the worse last month when he was admitted to the ICU. At that time we were told that he likely wouldn't last more than a few days, but as is the way of our family he was too much of a fighter (or too stubborn) to let go that easily.

As the days turned to weeks I delighted at the encouraging updates from my Grandma who was spending much of her time by his side. I'm certain that we were all overjoyed when, even though it wasn't his returning home just yet, he was being transferred to a longer term care unit for care.

Unfortunately this was not to last.

Over the last weekend he was re-admitted to the ICU as the bleeding had returned, and they had no idea from where and things were not well. This was the last that I had heard from back East on the 8th.

This morning (March 13th) I received an email that caused my heart to sink like it has only a thankful rare few times in my life.

On Wednesday, after many tests, the doctors came back with an answer, and it was stage-4 bowel cancer, and that's where the bleeding was coming from. As this is in addition to existing issues including other cancers, this was simply devastating and was more than one could be expected to bear.

Grandma's email also relayed that on Wednesday all active support was removed, and he is now being kept comfortable and pain free under palliative care. He has wanted to call us all over the last few days to say goodbye himself, but didn't have the strength.

Exhausted from the fighting he's had to do, and with his devoted loving wife by his side, it's now a time that he no longer needs to be the great man that he has been for us all, but simply be a man for himself and Grandma.

Even though It would take a miracle right now, I just wish that I could wrap my arms around him one more time and let him know just how much he's meant to me my whole life and how much I do and will always love him.

No words can ever express how much I will miss the man that I've looked up to for so long, and the times when I was privileged enough to sit with him and chat about life, which I will forever regret having not been able to do more, having let life and distance get in the way.

The next email update that I'll receive will be the final update regarding his condition, which for the first time has me wanting to turn everything off and simply deny reality. As long as I don't hear anything, then everything will forever be alright, and he'll be waiting with a couple glasses of scotch, his beaming smile and another story to share.